What was I thinking at that moment? I thought I’d be overjoyed, even a little smug when i finally taking my first solo trip. No meetings, no work messages. I deleted every app related to work and the social world for ten whole days, just to turn inward.
At some point, all the priorities in my life suddenly shifted. Work, family, and even romantic relationships are no longer the most important things. What truly mattered, surprised, is me. And I asked myself, what did I want to do, more than anything, in this lifetime? And more than that — who am I, really? That became the question I most wanted to answer.
I was in the search for myself.
I was never someone who cared much about what people said. But for the first time, I paused and asked: What did i say to myself after all? Through all the passing years, and even now?
That 10-day trip alone, to a place more than 6,000 kilometers away, helped me realize that my everyday life — filled with work and surrounded by familiar people and things — had made me feel small and boxed in by predictable thoughts. Out there, in the wider world, are countless lives, countless stories waiting to be discovered and felt — and sadly I had no idea they even existed.
The desire to experience life has never burned so strongly. It grew so intense that, at some point, all the things I usually focused on just… stopped feeling important.
I still remember the first day I went back to work after that trip, in a meeting that was supposed to go on like any other, I suddenly found myself wondering: why were people arguing so fiercely over whether a number was right or wrong? After everything, what really matters?
Maybe what I truly want, in the end, isn’t just a job or a career, like I once dreamed of. What’s the point of achieving all that professional success if I don’t feel happy — only drained? Because in the end, I had succeeded at becoming exactly that: a corporate slave and automated machine that every company wants.
It was the first time I traveled for an extended period with just a little over 10kg of belongings, and came back with an extra 10kg of books. That was when I knew: I had truly changed. There was no way I could go back to who I used to be, even if I had no idea who I was going to become.
I’m happy, and proud of the person I’m becoming.
Lam Hà 